Journal #1: July 5, 2010: I’ve decided to do a little public journaling. I know it may seem like I journal publicly all of the time, but I don’t! I probably won’t do this everyday but perhaps if I remember and have nothing else to do, I’ll get this cracking. I cannot promise that I will be spell-checking so…if you don’t have the patience to spellcheck my writing, then don’t read! LOL!
Today I bought some Crest White Strips, in case anyone cares! I went to go and get a whitening and my dentist told me to save my money and buy white strips! Speaking of my dentist, I slipped and confessed that I chose my Dentist because he was Black. IS that bad? I don’t care if you think it is but I am just asking! I like supporting my people! I have Black pride. Now, if he screwed up, I would still have Black pride.. just not “Dr. Wiggins Pride!” Know what I’m saying?
I don’t care what people say about me when I am not listening or looking. Mostly because if they are speaking the truth, they are not saying anything I don’t already know… and if they are lying, they are going to hell! I win! I know who I am! That’s a powerful thing! Some people APPEAR to have all the confidence in the world but behind closed doors, they are a mess! That used to be me! Now, the only thing I care about is telling and living the truth! I want to be saved. I want to give more than I take and I want to love people the way that God loved me! Some people make that SO hard to do! Whatever! Life is short! Don’t waste too much time investing in people who do not help you to fulfill your purpose!
How is that for a random freestyle?
Sometimes I am not sure if people want the best for you or if they just want to be in your business! I will admit that I am slightly flattered by the fact that people often connect me with people I would consider to be attractive. However, I would like to be able to Facebook someone without being rumored to have married them in a far away land! I’d like to share with a friend without being locked in a gay rendezvous! (One time somebody has me dating my little brother! LOL!) I don’t really like to talk about it because I don’t want everyone to think that I REALLY think I am some celebrity and that everybody and their mom is sitting by the fire discussing my love life. I don’t think that way! However, I do know that the ambiguity and lack of knowledge re: my private life compels people to create things!
I think I will set the record straight. It’s not necessary but it’s not unnecessary, either. I do not have a girlfriend. I do not have a boyfriend. I am not desperate. I am not secretly having sex! None of that! I want to make that clear because I can HONESTLY say that God has been GREAT to me! It’s not always easy but as the old folk told me in purity class as a young boy, “The holy Ghost will keep you if you want to be kept.” I want to be kept! I really want to see God! Sometimes I have to take a cold shower or go to the gym to work off some energy but I believe that every time I resist the devil, I am communicating to God just how much I trust and love him. It’s a BATTLE! Could you imagine being in war EVERYDAY! The best thing about God is that he will not leave you unequipped. You may choose to lay aside the equipment, but he gave it to you… and for FREE!
Anyways, just a little testimony. Maybe it will encourage somebody! I’m not perfect. I’m not a virgin. I do sin. I do entertain the devil. All that…. Not saying it doesn’t happen but I won’t ever give the devil too much to work with!
How much longer do you plan to live? Do you have control over how much longer you live. NO! Doesn’t that make today SOOO important? What time is it? There is still time to make this day mean even more! Love somebody! Help somebody! DO SOMETHING!
The idea of going the whole day engulfed in my own little issues makes me depressed. My problems do not compare to those who are less fortunate! If you ever want a reason stop your complaining… LOOK AROUND!
Thats all I got!
Journal #4: Reflections on AIM Convention I surely enjoyed my time at the AIM convention. I would liken the experience to going to the gas station when you are nearing empty and/or having a “CHECK ENGINE” light blink in your car. Let’s start with the GOOD!
Sometimes you get tired of things you hear, see, and feel in the church. The culture can overwhelm you. It’s not like the experience you have on your job. There are no trainings on how to get along or how to address someone who gets out of line. Also, people do NOT want to be challenged. They want to ride on tradition rather than truth! When I listened to some of the presenters at AIM, I noted that a lot of people have the same struggles. One thing that stuck with me that is always a good reminder is that to whom much is give, much is required. Growing weary is inevitable…. Giving up is not an option!Secondly, I really wanted to pursue the Lord on how I can be more affective in my personal ministry, beyond the things I do within the four walls of the church. I always struggle with not jumping on this traditional bandwagon. When people note gifts in you, the first thing they want you to do is go and talk to the pastor, sit in the pulpit, etc. I USED to say that I didn’t want to do that but I have learned that what God is requiring of me will only partially take place at a physical church. In order to do all of that.. I need to pursue the anointing and the Power of God through a consecrated life. God revealed so many great things to/for me in the prayer room about ministry!I also grew to respect some of the leaders in our church who have attained a certain amount of success but have given back to the church that birthed them. It’s great to see Kim Burrell, Clark Sisters, and other well-known preachers, teachers and artists showing up and working to support our church.I think every church should participate in AIM. It is so powerful. In the business world, companies are thriving because they meet together to share best practices. AIM is the church’s way of accomplishing this goal. There is something for EVERYONE. Plan to go next year! (July 4-8, Houston, TX) For those of you who may be reading and aren’t familiar with COGIC, AIM is the Auxiliaries in Ministry Convention. It’s the umbrella convention for the music, youth, evangelism, missions, and Sunday school dept.Those are the main things that really made the trip worthwhile. The downsides were of great number but they do not supersede the upsides!The offerings drive me nuts. We all should ask God to birth in us the desire to build the kingdom with all of our resources. God’s biblical expectation is that you are sowing seed into your local ministry. The benefits of such actions are already promised. They are already in the Bible. Your destiny is predicated on your commitment to a consecrated life, not how much you give in an offering. If you aren’t living anything, your financial donation is null and void. You cannot pay for the blessings of God. You cannot afford them! What God expects is your being. He doesn’t need your money. He is the creator of all things. You are charged to sow seed into good ground… I can go on about this forever. I made up in my mind that nobody is going to get me wound up about money. God said he would supply all my needs. I’m going to be faithful to him. I don’t want to be a millionaire. I want to be affective in the kingdom… They raised about 100 different offerings and with every offering, a promise was made that may have not be accurate, true, or Biblical. I wont jump into some of the stuff because I’ll get mad! Moving on. I was appalled by the way people were dressed. Its weird for me because I grew up in the church and I love it but I don’t celebrate some of the non-Biblical principles we have…especially those associated with how we look! HOWEVER, I was FRIGHTENED by some of the stuff people wore. I am all about personal style but JEEZ LOUISE? In church? We need to agree on a dress code that is becoming of holiness! This is not about people being able to afford clothes, etc. This is about people making the CHOICE to look like fools and pattern their clothes, accessories and hair after the WORLD! Too many pimp suits and short ties and short skirts and shorts and Mohawks and lines in the head, and bare feet, and bare legs, and bare chest and painted faces and distracting hats….. You name it!
I want to look my best for God no matter if I have on jeans or a suit. I don’t view church as a fashion show. I am not trying to impress anyone with my clothes. My personal style is motivated by the desire to be different and holy. I’m not hopping on every fad because I and not a follower. I’m a leader. A well-dressed leader. I am a living epistle, read of men. I don’t want them to get stuck on the cover.Before I continue, I should mention that none of these problems are exclusive to the Church of God In Christ. While we are a leader among denominations, in some ways we have become followers of popular religious culture. I speak primarily about COGIC because that’s what I am and will always be, I think. Just don’t get it twisted and wag your finger at the grand ol’ church! We will read.Finally, I have to address some of the sexual behavior. Now, I am not going to say I seen folks having sex in the lobby. I didn’t. I am not even going to say that I believe people use these church conventions intentionally for sexual opportunities. However, I have noted a pattern. Many of the messages preached made reference to sexuality. Great emphasis was put on homosexuality. A little light was shed on lesbianism, shacking, and a few other sexual choices. The preaching confuses me. There’s that old saying that charity begins at home. Its popular to make reference to homosexuals in your message.. more popular than it is to address the problems that plague our church in more REAL and intimate settings. What is the churches strategy in dealing with sexuality in all of its form? People are bold! They are offering sex in the hallways! They are hosting sex parties. They are wearing revealing tops and skin tight clothes.Where is the strategy for teaching our young men and women how to carry themselves sexually? If there are people in burning houses, standing outside yelling GET OUT OF THERE is not going to save anybody. Who is suiting up to save a life? Get strategy! So AIM, for me… was a refilling and a warning. The purpose of the refilling was to be better suited to save someone from the fire! My weapon is the TRUTH!
Journal #5: April 5, 2011
You know that old saying… You can’t make a [loose woman] a housewife? Who came up with that? It’s not true! Many of US have made some remarkable turnarounds, with the help of God! Why am I mentioning this?
Growth is such a beautiful thing. Some people have very little to grow from because they have not experienced much! There a few of us who are willing to be completely honest about our past behavior! I believe that my past behavior has served as a stepping stool for great things! It feels good to say that I am not saying one thing and doing another. Been there, done that!
It’s not that I am perfect, but I am honest with myself.
Journal #6: July 4, 2011
All thinking men are atheists. — Ernest Hemingway
Reminds me of a line from one of my favorite poems, “If” byRudyard Kipling. “If you can think and not let thoughts be your aim…” Over-thinking usually complicates everything. I can’t put into words how God does what he does for me. Isaiah 55:8… even the wisest man cannot think the way God thinks. “For my THOUGHTS are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways. You can’t really conceptualize what and who God is in your own mind. The thinker is wise to stop thinking and trust in order build faith… but Earnest.. some of us are thinkers and believers.
Faith means not wanting to know what is true. — Friedrich Nietzsche
No, faith is Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1 NASB)
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. — George Bernard Shaw
I would rather cope with Jesus than cope with liquor. The blessed assurance you get with Christ is far greater than the temporary fix you get with a bottle of rum. Beside, you get a better hangover with God! Peace. Love. Joy. Strength!
A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows. — Samuel Clemens
His first mistake is trying to be accepted in a church. The Christian is in partnership with Christ, not a building or a group of people.
Not only is there no god, but try getting a plumber on weekends. — Woody Allen
Where do you live, Woody? You can get Jesus and a plumber 7 days a week! The Good thing about God is that you don’t need money, influence, a credit card or a telephone to get your needs met.
It’s an incredible con job when you think about it, to believe something now in exchange for something after death. Even corporations with their reward systems don’t try to make it posthumous. — Gloria Steinem
A risk worth taking, Gloria. – Dominique Beaumonte’
Journal #6 – December 8, 2011
I wonder of there is somewhere I can go to get a degree in “Dealing with people.” It’s truly a science. People relations are in trouble. People can do far too much without ever actually meeting with a person face-to-face. It’s scary. How do people teach their children to have good one on one interactions with others these days? How do children who are home-schooled learned social skills?
If the world is to become completely virtual, then there needs to be a way to learn how to interact effectively. -Domo