[Ask Domo] “He’s with me, but she pays the bills”

Dear Dom,

I’m dating a nice guy and we are moving towards being exclusive. The only problem is that he has a “friend” that pays a few of his bills. I don’t think he would cheat but he has been open about this and I don’t think its that big of a deal. My family sees this differently. He’s not going to stop and wants to make things work with me. Am I dumb for not thinking this is wrong? – IJS

Thanks for writing. My first question to you would be “If you were paying a grown man’s bills, would you have any expectations of him?” It could be that he has a female friend paying his bills bills because she has low self-esteem and has figured out a way to get some monthly attention from him. If that were the case, you would be taking a man who is taking advantage of another woman and my thought is that you SHOULD be uncomfortable with that. I am. I will not rush to say that you are “dumb,” but I would lay you on a couch to see why a strong, independent woman wouldn’t be pursuing a strong and independent man. If he cannot take care of himself without the support of a woman he is not with, how would be be able to provide for you? Where do you draw the line? Are you going to let her pay for the wedding?

Get to the bottom of this and start passing out ultimatums.  – Domo



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