[The BIG RANT] Tips for Lay Members on the Pogram | Customer Service Terribleness | Facebook Annoynaces

[Throwback] I had over 130 posts that I started but never finished in my “draft” box. Instead of deleting them all, I copied and pasted most of them into one note. Of course, many of these were written over the last 18 months and I cannot be responsible for not using Spell-checker. I may or may not have cared that day! Anyways.. READ ON!

1. Stop taking these pictures at Wal-Mart with the spray painted stars in the background. So hood! Usually these pictures feature a female with her leg up, trying to look sexy! Not working.

2. I need these “Gideon-Bible” preachers to stop trying to “get me told” in my inbox when they don’t agree with what I say re: religion. If I am wrong and you are going to be the one to school me, I DON’T NEED  YOUR OPINION ABOUT MY OPINION! Take me to the Word or lose me!

3. I am tired of religious people doing too much on Facebook and twitter and then in the middle of the night, they are posting astrology!!

4. The customer service people are not the problem.. it’s the people who hire but fail to fire them! I think some of these people need to be laid off. I know that harsh to say because people have families and mortgages but to me, that ought to be an added incentive to do what you have been hired to do! SERVE THE CUSTOMER!

I have called the IKEA in West Sacramento 6 times and left several messages for the PR person. None of them have been returned. Each time that I have called, I have been transferred several times only to land at somebodies voice mail who doesn’t return calls!

5. Is it me or have black, female actors from 10 years ago not been landing rolls that make them relevant? The other day, I mentioned to a good friend that I thought Angela Bassett was one of the greatest actors of our time. She strongly disagreed. It made me think about other women who have CLASSIC movies but don’t have “Classic careers.” Remember when Whitney, Alfre Woodard, Angela Bassett, Loretta Divine, Brandy, Vivica Fox, Robin Givens, Whoopie Goldberg, AnnaMArie Horsford, Telma Hopkins…. were on their way to legendary status?

These are a few tips for lay members on the program…

6. If they ask you to read the scripture… no need to address the house. Tell pastor that you appreciate him later!

7. If the program says you are to speak for three minutes… keep pages 2-16 of your notes on the pew. You will not have time to review those!

8. If you are assisting with raising the offering, bring your offering with you when you come to the table. You will not have time to dig in your bag or the coin purse safety pinned to your bras.

9. If you are asked to M.C. service and you have very little personality, you need to drink a red bull and pack a candy bar in your purse! We have visitors!

10. If you are moody, ministries that require you to stand anywhere near the door are off-limits! You shouldn’t be the first person people see!

Back when I tried a series called #ForgetThatFridays… Didn’t work out. Forgot about it!

11. Is anybody really cute and sexy enough for you to forego the use of a condom? #ForgetThat! As financially beneficial as it would be for you ladies to make a baby with a superstar with lots of money, take some time to consider unwanted “friends they might also bring with them!

12. #ForgetThat! I am NOT going to spend my ENTIRE lunch break in line at the DMV! You ever have the days or instances where it’s not  the smartest choice but its the most convenient choice to just pay the fine rather than have your entire day ruined!

13. I am curious to know how much God thinks I love him. Aside from all of the jokes and laughter, I REALLY do want to find favor in his sight.

14. Aside from loving God, I am falling in love with shoes again. I used to be crazy. I slowed down but now I am back! Since Black Friday, I have bought 4 pairs.

15. I am an avid apricot scrub and Jergens Natural Glow user! Taking care of your face shouldn’t just be a woman’s thing! It should be a people thing! I am not one to use lotion anywhere else but I love a moisturized face! I’m recommending it to all the fellas! [Update: Since posting this, I learned that apricot scrub was not good for the face.]

16. I am very moody.

17. I don’t like when people do a lot of complaining to people they don’t know and people who cannot help them! I have to remind my mother that it only causes greater stress to the both of us when she chooses to review all of her ailments to me. What would serve us both is if she told the nurse!

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